Category Archives: Weekly Best Of

TUiW List: The 10 Least Annoying Holiday Songs

With Christmas but a week away and our year end list blitz coming next week, we thought we’d help everyone out there who is going to jump off a bridge if they hear “Little Drummer Boy” again by offering up our list of the 10 Least Annoying Holiday Songs to listen to over the next week. We’ve got everyone from the Beatles to the Ramones to the Pogues. Check out the videos and enjoy!

1. The Beatles – “Christmas Time (Is Here Again)”
Recorded in 1967 for their fan club members, the Beatles offered this goofy little tune to the pantheon of Christmas tunes. The original version was over six minutes long and featured the Beatles wandering through the snow, but a shortened, three minute version of the track came out in 1995 with the “Free as a Bird” single, keeping the repeating chorus and the personal greetings from each of the Fab Four.

2. The Beach Boys – “Little Saint Nick”
Despite being released a mere month after the assassination of JFK, “Little Saint Nick” was a big hit for the Beach Boys come Christmas 1963. About as catchy as any of their larger, summer-themed songs, the song, “Little Saint Nick” is an essential track for any non-annoying holiday mix.

3. Darlene Love – “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”
While “Little Saint Nick” fared well a month after the Kennedy Assassination, Phil Spector’s compilation A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector notably flopped, coming out the day after. Nonetheless, it features several fantastic wall of sound Christmas favorites, including the Ronnette’s take on “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” and the Crystals’ “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” but perhaps the best song is Darlene Love’s “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).” Covered by everyone from U2 to Cher, Love still performs the song annually on The Late Show with David Letterman.

4. John Lennon – “Happy Christmas (War is Over)”
Some readers might actually find this to be an overplayed, annoying single that should be excluded from the list, but I happen to love the Phil Spector produced track from 1971. Actually an anti-Vietnam protest song, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” remains a delightful song, thanks in large part to the sincerity of its writer.

5. Camera Obscura – “The Blizzard”
A holiday single released only last year, “The Blizzard” is a warm and fuzzy song full of nostalgia. Complete with sleigh bells and pitter patter drums, the story of people heading home through a blizzard at Christmas time, the song is the sonic equivalent of sitting by the fire as the snow falls outside.

6. Harvey Danger – “Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas”
A nice little indie rocker for the holidays, Harvey Danger brings all of his wit to this song about how much it sucks to be the guy working the concession stand at the jam packed movie theatre. It might be a little glum for the season of joy and cheer, but it’s a damn catchy song that captures the small side of Christmas that most of us try hard not to think about.

7. Julian Casablancas – “I Wish it was Christmas Today”
This synth backed take on a song from a Saturday Night Live sketch, this is your indie rock dance number for the holiday season. It’s a song full of energy and its fare share of charm that will brighten the heart of your hipster cousin in his ironic Christmas sweater.

8. The Ramones – “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)”
The Ramones seemed to oddly cherish domestic squabbles (see: “We’re a Happy Family”), so it’s no surprise they would do a song where “Christmas ain’t the time for breaking each other’s hearts.” It’s a fun and quick song, two things the Ramones did extraordinarily well. Check out the phenomenal video below.

9. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert – “May I Interest You in Hanukkah?”
Yes, the quintessential Hanukkah song is belongs to Adam Sandler, but you’ll find yourself laughing just as hard at this one, which comes from Colbert’s Christmas Special. The show was itself a take on the old Bing Crosby specials, and this particular track, which finds Stewart trying to get Colbert interested in a “sensible alternative to Christmas” as the latter tries desperately to figure it out. It’s uproariously funny and perfectly captures the comedy of two of this generations’ best.

10. The Pogues – “Fairytale of New York”
I’ll be bold and suggest this may be the best Christmas song ever written. A duet between Shane MacGowen and Kirsty MacColl, “Fairytale of New York” is the story of a man sitting in the drunk tank in New York on Christmas Eve, recalling a failed relationship in a song that oscillates between bitter, sad, and funny. The song never found the same popularity in the States as it did Ireland and the UK, but it’s a classic Christmas song, one not to be missed.

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Weekly Best Of: 17 Great Eponymous Songs

We’ve had a couple of slow weeks here at TUiW, so what better way to break up late summer doldrums than with a list! Today, we present to you a list of musicians singing about themselves, both literally and figuratively. Without further ado…

1. “Wilco (the song)” – Wilco

Wilco has always been a band of the people, and the lead-off track from their seventh LP makes that abundantly clear, with the chorus, “Wilco will love you baby.” Kicking off Wilco (the album), the song introduces the record as “an hour of arms open wide/ a sonic shoulder for you to cry,” it’s Jeff Tweedy at his loosest and is the anthem for the band’s loyal fan base.

2. “Death to Los Campesinos!” – Los Campesinos!

After a few singles and EPs, Cardiff’s Los Campesinos! introduced themselves to a larger audience with this first track off of their debut LP, Hold On Now Youngster. Bursting at the seems with energy, “Death to Los Campesinos!” shows off all the great elements of the band: the boundless energy, great guitar playing, moments of group participation, and fantastic banter between Gareth and Ellen Campesinos!

3. “Everything Thermals” – The Thermals

A short and sweet early track from the Portland rockers, “Everything Thermals” features great lines like “The Thermals go right to your head/The Thermals have sex in your bed.” It’s hard to argue with, as this is a song that gets stuck in your head and doesn’t come out. “Everything Thermals” lacks the power of a song like “Pillar of Salt,” but it has the kind of lighthearted lyrics that make the Thermals so fun to listen to.

Download “Everything Thermals” for free at Daytrotter here.

4. “Titus Andronicus” – Titus Andronicus

On their terrific debut record, New Jersey’s Titus Andronicus unveiled this self-titled tune about how everyone will tell you when you’re young that being in a rock and roll band will destroy your life, repeating, “Your life is over!” The track packs a ton of power into a short 3:13, and it acts almost as a mission statement for a band that seems to have limitless potential.

5. “Free Energy” – Free Energy

If you’ve never heard of Free Energy, you’ll get hooked on the eponymous first track on their first LP. The song is a soundtrack to summer nights, with catchy hooks and guitar solos that will set a room on fire. It’s a fitting introduction to the band, a song that will keep you from forgetting them anytime soon.

6. “Crystal Stilts” – Crystal Stilts

If you’re going to write a song that shares your band’s name, you should probably write one that exemplifies your sound, which is exactly what Brooklyn’s Crystal Stilts did. The dark, moody tones and reverb soaked drums of “Crystal Stilts” are in every one of the band’s song, a sample of their trademark sound.

7. “Bob Dylan’s 115th Dream” – Bob Dylan

With its false start that ends in laughter, “Bob Dylan’s 115th Dream” fits in nicely with the other tracks on Bringing It All Back Home and like “Maggie’s Farm,” features a little personal commentary. Most notably, Dylan relates a story with a man and a war saying, “I said, “You know they refused Jesus, too/He said, “You’re not Him,” perhaps a parable on Dylan’s own reluctance to be accepted as more than a man with a guitar.

8. “Clash City Rockers” – The Clash

Leave to Joe Strummer to write a song about his own band with this much vitriol. While declaring that “nothing stands the pressure of the Clash city rockers,” he takes stabs at David Bowie and Gary Glitter, en route to making it clear that the punk icons the only band to bring the power and “electrical shockers” to the masses.

9. “(Theme From) The Monkees” – The Monkees

The classic self-titled song, “(Theme From) The Monkees” kicked off the 60’s show that looked to cash in on Beatlemania. While the Monkees were a band put together purely for the spectacle, their theme song is about as catchy as any other song of the time.

10. “Okkervil River Song” – Okkervil River

“We have come from ugliness to find some refuge here,” sings Will Sheff on his band’s lovely eponymous song, a line that is characteristic of a band that loves ballads of murder, groupies, and sad rock stars. The song makes a great live sing-a-long, featuring all the early trademarks of a band that just got better and better.

11. “We’re From Barcelona” – I’m From Barcelona

During the Sweedish invasion of 2007, the gigantic group I’m From Barcelona made sure to introduce themselves with the song “We’re From Barcelona.” While they haven’t been able to capitalize on their much buzzed about debut, “We’re From Barcelona” is full of sing-a-long lyrics and playful melodies that take a lot to get gout of your head.

12. “We Are The Pipettes” – The Pipettes

With its introduction of the members of the band right at the start, “We Are The Pipettes” introduces the modern girl group as a trio of space invaders that will take over the land. Declaring themselves “the prettiest girls you’ve ever met,” the song is a pretty good introduction to an album by a band that ultimately, has been a big disappointment.

13. “I Was Born a Unicorn” – The Unicorns

The Unicorns remain a symbol of early 2000s indie rock, and this track from their record Who Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone? is one of the few straightforward rock tracks they made. Lines like, “We’re the Unicorns/We’re more than horses” make the song the perfect introduction to band that was gone too soon.

14. “The Story of Yo La Tengo” – Yo La Tengo

Few bands can rip a song wide open into sprawling feedback and guitar the way Yo La Tengo can, and “The Story of Yo La Tengo” might be one of the best songs of their career. Topping the 10-minute mark, it’s a song full of guitar wails that embodies the sound of the band all the way.

15. “Public Image” – Public Image LTD

Supposedly written about former Sex Pistols manager Malcolm McLaren, “Public Image” finds John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) wailing over sharp guitar riffs, “The public image belongs to me!” The song is not just a blow to McLaren for “using” the Sex Pistols for his own gain, but for the public and critics that made them out to be a threat to society.

16. “Lifter Puller vs. The End of the Evening” – Lifter Puller

Before the Hold Steady, Craig Finn was in Lifter Puller, a band that loved to stay up all night drinking, and this song from their Fiestas & Fiascos album offers the sonic version of a night on the town. Starting with a line like, “we hit the nightlife like a deer in the headlights,” the song is Finn’s pre-Hold Steady party anthem that’s great to put on in the waning hours of a fun evening.

17. “The Ballad of Mott the Hoople” – Mott the Hoople

Rounding out our list is Mott the Hoople’s introspective song that details the near break up of the band and disillusion with the rock business. Ian Hunter tells his listeners that “somehow we let you down” and that “rock and roll’s a loser’s game,” but the epic song ends with Hunter saying that he just “can’t erase the rock n’ roll feeling from my mind.” Sadly, the troubles detailed in the song overtook the band, and they only released one more studio album.

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Weekly Best Of: Spy Movies

So yeah, we’ve been pretty bad with the “weekly” part of the title, but we decided to bring back the feature in lieu of this weekend’s premiere of Angelina Jolie’s Salt, we made a list of our favorite movies about spy games and espionage. Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments!

James Bond Series
To write this list without including James Bond would be a tragedy. The franchise made spies cool and sexy while going through changes with every lead from Sean Connery to Daniel Craig. High tech gadgets real and imagined, awesome cars, beautiful women, and shaken martinis have made James Bond the gold standard for spies in film.

Bourne Series
Salt and every other recent spy series is heavily in debt to Matt Damon’s muscly ass-kicker, who brought a complexity to the spy genre it had never seen. As a spy with no memory of being a spy, Jason Bourne was the ultimate bad ass, the guy that could literally evade the entire CIA in his effort to find out who he was. With unmatchable action sequences and an intriguing mystery clouding the story, the three films ushered in a new era for spy movies.

North by Northwest

Before Connery introduced himself as 007, Cary Grant was Roger Thornhill, an ad executive mistaken for a spy hot on the tail of a well known smuggler. As Thronhill flees from the bad guys and the cops, he joins forces with the beautiful Eva Marie Saint, trying to find out the truth of what’s really going on. It’s one of Alfred Hitchcock’s masterpieces, the perfect mixture of misdirection, sex, and naturally, suspense.

The Manchurian Candidate
Frank Sinatra turns in his finest performance ever as a soldier discovering a high reaching conspiracy to make a Soviet sleeper agent the President. One of the finest documents of Cold War paranoia and a crackerjack psychological thriller to boot, The Manchurian Candidate is just a great movie. Anyone for a little solitaire?

Three Days of the Condor
Robert Redford is the anti-Bond – a desk jockey with a boring job – who gets embroiled in something much larger than he can fathom. Three Days of the Condor doesn’t hold up great today, but it is still a taut thriller and a great reflection of how, in the wake of Watergate, America’s paranoia turned inward.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Chuck Barris’s memoir posited that in between stints hosting forgettable game shows, he killed people for the CIA. This outlandish premise is treated with appropriate goofiness by first time director George Clooney and screenwriter Charlie Kaufman (who supposedly clashed during production). Clooney’s style isn’t quite as assured here as in his follow-up (Good Night and Good Luck), but the film is carried by Kaufman’s zippy writing and a breakout performance by Sam Rockwell.

Burn After Reading
A far better deconstruction of spy movies and a biting satire of the Top Secret America that’s being aired out in the Washington Post this week, Burn After Reading utilizes an over-serious score and austere Washington settings as the backdrop for a ridiculous, farce. Burn After Reading was divisive at the time of its release, but detractors should revisit the film; in addition to being positively hilarious it seems absolutely prescient in light of what the Washington Post just dug up.

Sneakers
Phil Alden Robinson’s follow-up to Field of Dreams has been more or less forgotten, which is a pity because the movie is a highly entertaining diversion. Robert Redford plays a hacker/fugitive who leads a team of security specialists that get mixed up in some dangerous stuff. Set in the uncertain days following the collapse of the Soviet Union, Sneakers channels the nostalgia that permeated Field of Dreams while trading the tear-jerking for fun spy stuff.

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Weekly Best Of: 2000-2009 Oscar Winners

The Oscars can get a lot of things wrong, often tragically so (in fact, we just predicted them to do it again this year!). But that doesn’t mean they always do. So, as a sister to our Oscar Predix, we present a list of our favorite winners (one in each of the categories we predicted earlier, with a couple wild cards) from the last decade:

Best Picture: No Country For Old Men
Its been a bleak decade for Best Picture, but you can’t fault the voters for naming the Coens’ haunting, messed up portrayal of violence and avarice in a dying West as the best film of 2007 (even if I prefer the superior There Will Be Blood).

Best Actress: Marion Cotillard, Ma Vie En Rose
Yeesh, this was pretty dire. Overrated turns by Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, and Hilary Swank are among the many crimes against acting that the Academy saw fit to reward this decade. By default, it falls to Cotillard, whose performance looks similar to many of the other ones (dramatic make-up work, playing a real person) but who brought a zeal and energy to her role. Still, from the looks of it, Sandra Bullock should make a worthy addition to this lot.

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Not just the best actor of 2007, but the best performance of the decade if these yahoos are to be believed, there isn’t much left to say about Day-Lewis’ bravura performance, so short of shouting “drainage!” at the top of my lungs, I’ll just move on to the next category.

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Ledger leaves nothing behind on The Dark Knight, giving us a character so intelligently, calculatingly menacing that he nearly swallows the film whole. His performance takes a character who has been played for goofy camp in all of his film experiences and shapes him into a horrifying, pure force of frightening chaos, bringing the shot of gravity and verisimilitude to Christopher Nolan’s dark vision of Gotham that the series needed.

Best Supporting Actress: Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton
Oscar doesn’t usually give awards for understated, subtle turns, so Tilda Swinton probably has her excellent career to thank for this one. But nonetheless, despite what the naysayers think, this is a truly great performance, so full of delusion and self-loathing that her character, moreso than Clooney or Wilkinson, becomes the hinge on which the film’s entire commentary turns. Just watch that scene where she tries to find any way to avoid saying the words “kill him.”

Best Director: Peter Jackson, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Jackson managed to bring to life one of the most vividly-detailed and meticulously constructed works of fiction of all time in a way that satisfied long-time fans and captured the imaginations of newbies.

Best Original Screenplay: Charlie Kaufman, Michel Gondry, and Pierre Busmuth for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Perhaps the best winner in any category, Eternal Sunshine balances big ideas with pathos (and just a touch of science fiction) and shows how the Gondry-Kaufman collaboration can lead to a film that keeps both men’s crazier impulses in check and grounds the film in a devastatingly emotional place.

Best Adapted Screenplay: Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor for Sideways
Sideways’ stock has kind of tumbled in recent years, but Payne and Taylor’s script is still witty and heartfelt (even if it would have been nicer to see Before Sunset’s surprise nomination turn into a surprise win).

Best Animated Feature: Spirited Away
Pixar has deserved this every year its won, but its also been a pretty easy choice for Oscar voters. Much more surprising: them nominating a cartoon of such unique and visionary wonder as Spirited Away in the face of more profitible and conventional picks. This category has never been as eclectic as I would like, but at least in 2002, they did a really great job.

Best Cinematography: Conrad Hall, Road to Perdition
Pan’s Labyrinth and There Will Be Blood were also fantastic choices, but every frame of Road to Perdition is like a photograph, every shot so full and meaningful. The movie is a perfect period at the end of one of the finest technical film careers of all time.

Best Documentary Feature: Man on Wire
One of the most interesting documentaries of the decade, Man on Wire was also a refreshing change of pace from the advocacy documentaries that dominated the Oscars this decade.

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Weekly Best Of: The 21 Best Lost Episodes

I don’t know if you’ve heard, since everyone’s been keeping it on the DL, but it turns out that Lost is coming back on Tuesday! In little breaks from spending time agonizing over whether or not Jack’s plan to nuke the island worked or if the Man in Black is named Esau, Mike and I came up with a list of our 21 favorite Lost episodes. We now present them to you, in order of air date since in order to successfully rank them we’d need to retreat to a four-toed foot with only a loom and the Valenzetti Equation to figure it out. Disagree? Sound off in the comments below.

Pilot
The cultural phenomenon of Lost became such as the result of an action-packed two part pilot episode that helped defined the essence of the show’s first season. The show starts with Jack waking up immediately after the crash, and in those first two hours shows the immediate aftermath, introduces the smoke monster, the mysterious message from Rousseau, and, the most talked about twist, the polar bear attack.

Walkabout

While the “Pilot” was an appropriately mindboggling start, it wasn’t until “Walkabout” that Lost really showed what it was capable of. By turning Locke from the creepy old man in the “Pilot” into a major island player, introducing him to the monster, and deploying the episode’s mind-spinning final twist, which is still one of the most effective surprises in Lost’s history.
Numbers
A point of interest in Lost‘s first season were the mysterious numbers, 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42, which had haunted Hurley and turned up on the Island. Fans broke down the meaning, which thus far, hasn’t really been explained. The episode also helped established more the backstory for the lovable Hurley, who, we discovered, had won the lottery and spent time in mental institution. Hurley was already the goofy, big, comic relief, but “Numbers” established him as being as essential to the story as Jack, Kate, or Locke.

Exodus

Still one of the show’s most satisfyingly epic wrap-ups, “Exodus” did a great job of wrapping up the show’s first season while setting up its second. The twin cliffhangers of Walt’s abduction and what exactly was in the hatch set the standard for Lost’s torturous season-enders. However, my favorite moment may still have to be Arzt’s spectacular dynamite fail and Hurley’s all-time classic response.
Man of Science, Man of Faith
In the second season premiere, the plot of Lost more or less got flipped on its head with the discovery of Desmond in the Hatch. The added fact that Jack had once met Desmond during a late night work out was even more incredible, another insane coincidence on a show that loves insane coincidences. The mythology of the show grew exponentially with the introduction of what was in the Hatch, most specifically, the computer that required the pushing of the Numbers every 108 minutes to “save the world.” The episode kicked off a season that at times bogged itself down too much, but it ultimately added to the mystic of the Dharma Initiative and the history of the Island.

Orientation

There are an inordinate amount of Locke episodes on this list, because he tends to be at the center of some intriguing stuff. Case in point, “Orientation,” which deftly sets up a lot of the action for season 2, courtesy of a little bit of film by the Dharma Initiative. Meanwhile, the flashbacks gave us more insight into Locke’s tragic, off-island life, even as he started further down the course that would lead to his own death (uh…spoilers)

Live Together, Die Alone
Another fantastic season finale, “Live Together, Die Alone” again established the notion that everything we thought we knew about the Island would change the next year. As Michael sails away with Walt, he watches the results of his betrayal, when Ben Linus orders the hoods put over the heads of Jack, Kate, and Sawyer, their fate hanging in the balance. Meanwhile, we learn what the Hatch was there for and, finally, just how Oceanic 815 crashed on the Island. The end of the episode, Penny being woken up by a call from the Arctic, made it a long summer of waiting to find out what happens next.

Flashes Before Your Eyes

Everyone complaining about Season 5’s use of time travel must have missed the night “Flashes Before Your Eyes” aired. After turning the key, Desmond shoots back through time and has a second chance to choose Penny over a life of button-pushing…until he gets talked out of it by Eloise Hawking. A great episode (as is any Desmond-Penny episode) that also serves as an example of how good Lost has been at long-term table setting.

The Man from Tallahassee
The powers of the Island were evident from the moment we learned Locke had once been in a wheelchair, but in “The Man From Tallahassee,” they became even more extraordinary. First revealing that Locke’s paralysis was the result of being shoved from a window by his father, a fall that should have killed him, but next, we find that Locke’s father, the real life Sawyer, has appeared on the Island. It’s the first time we learn also of Richard and Locke’s supposed connection with the Island.

The Brig

Pretty much a direct sequel to “The Man From Tallahassee,” “The Brig” is an emotional wrenching hour that brings to rest two of the show’s most well-drawn character arcs – Locke’s father issues and Sawyer’s thirst for revenge. For a show that doesn’t always get the character stuff right, “The Brig” is pitch-perfect, no more so than the moment when Sawyer finally reads the letter he wrote 30 years earlier.

One of Us
Through the first part of Season 3, it was hard to figure out what to make of Juliet, as we didn’t know very much about her. But “One of Us” was the episode where she began to emerge and endear herself to Lost fans. She’s a sympathetic character who has been pulled in further than she intended, wanting only to return to her sister. She goes through great pains to get the Losties to trust her, only for us to discover at the end it’s all part of an elaborate plot of Ben’s.

The Man Behind the Curtain

While at first Ben Linus appeared to be irredeemably evil, Lost is a show about layers and moral greyness. But “The Man Behind the Curtain” gives us some insight into who he is. Ben loses his mother in childbirth, gets dragged to a strange island, abused by his father, and neglected by Jacob; the show pulls off the tricky feat of making us feel bad for its most morally questionable character, even as it shows him planning and executing the genocide of an entire group of people and the murder of one of our favorite characters.


Through the Looking Glass

Perhaps the most mind-blowing of all the season finales, “Through the Looking Glass” again completely changed Lost. It’s a mixture of triumph and sadness, with the death of Charlie, the hope of rescue, and the unknown as to who’s boat has arrived (not Penny’s, that’s for sure). But the most incredible part comes at the end of the episode, when it’s revealed that the drugged up, bearded Jack we’ve seen wasn’t part of a flashback, but a flashforward. The episode ends with a huge cliffhanger, and Jack yelling to Kate, “We have to go back!”

The Economist

When the O6 came home, Jack drank a lot, Kate obsessed over Aaron, and Hurley lost it again, but Sayid grew his hair out and became a globetrotting super-assassin. How? Why? “The Economist” goes into Sayid’s post-island life, his hunt for a mysterious economist, and the ultimate reveal that his employer is none Other than the man he hates most: Ben Linus, all while hinting at the time-shifting weirdness that was about to come.
The Constant
The Lost writers warmed us up for the idea of time travel with “The Constant,” an incredibly touching and solid episode. We’d previously seen Desmond’s struggles with glimpses of the future, but as he gets stuck in time, bouncing between happier times with Penny and tough times on the freighter, the purpose of Daniel Faraday becomes clearer and clearer. The episode also has one of the best moments in all of Lost, the brief conversation between Desmond and Penny that brought a lump to the throat of even the toughest of fans.

The Shape of Things to Come

When Lost went on a Writers’ Strike enforced hiatus, it seemed possible that season four would be cut-off at the legs. Instead, they came back with one of the strongest Lost episodes ever – a fast-paced hour that took us through Ben’s rivalry with Widmore, his recruitment of Sayid, his capability to summon the Smoke Monster, and, most tragically, his misplaced faith in the island and Jacob to protect Alex from harm.

Cabin Fever

After a lifetime of running, hiding, and missing his destiny, John Locke finally takes charge and embraces his future as the island’s savior, right? Well, this episode takes on a new and interesting irony in light of what would happen in season 5, but at the time it was enough to get an intriguing look into Locke’s past, which included visits from Richard Alpert and Matthew Abaddon. We also got the Horace/cabin dream sequence and the crazy ending, where Christian (who may or may not have been the Man in Black) and a hazy looking Claire tell Locke to move the island.

316
“316″ marked a major turning point for the Oceanic 6, all of them (except Aaron) being on the same flight that was doomed for the Island. Meanwhile, Jack, a man always opposed to the idea of destiny and gut feelings, struggles to come to terms with his impending fate. The episode ends with a great image too: Jack, Kate, and Hurley being confronted at gunpoint by the Dharama-uniform-clad-English-speaking Jin.

The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham

You can be forgiven for finding “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham” kind of a slog the first time through. But, in light of everything that happened after, the episode becomes a bleak elegy for a man who was never anything more than a deluded pawn in a game too big for him to understand. Each visit with a castaway is more crushing than the last, and all of it builds to the epic Locke-Ben showdown, a powerful scene that features some of the best acting in the show’s history.

LaFleur
The character transformation of James Ford, better known as Sawyer, comes full circle with “LaFleur.” When we first met him, he was truly hard to like. But as he cons his way into staying with the Dharma Initiative in 1974, falls in love with Juliet, and becomes a responsible man, it’s hard to remember that time. Further more, the episode delves deeper into what exactly the Dharma Initiative did and the nature of their conflict with the Hostiles.

The Incident

Season 5 is probably Lost’s most meticulously crafted and ingeniously structured season, but it is impossible to take in fully until you get to its satisfyingly twisty conclusion, which was easily Lost’s most touching finale (boo! hiss!). The Locke reveal was pretty shocking, Juliet’s death was tragic, and the final cliffhanger was positively masochistic, but the heart of the episode was Mark Pellegrino’s debut as Jacob. From the electrifying first moments with the Man in Black to his Forrest Gump-like cameos in our favorite castaways’ lives, Jacob’s introduction defied all the expectations we had built over the last five years and set the table for a (hopefully) immensely satisfying conclusion.

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Weekly Best Of: The Best Fictional Bands/Songs From TV

In an age when Family Guy bursts into song nearly every episode and Glee wins Golden Globes, we decided to take a look at some of the best fictional bands and songs from TV shows. Now, it’s important to note that we’re not talking spontaneous musical numbers (ex. the Monorail song from The Simpsons) but rather fictional music acts and their songs. We’d love to hear about any we missed in the comments section.

Robin Sparkles – “Let’s Go To The Mall” / “Sandcastles in the Sand” (How I Met Your Mother)
On the best episode of How I Met Your Mother, “Slap Bet,” Ted’s suspicions that Robin might have once been married end up completely wrong when instead he and the rest of the gang discover she was a Canadian teen pop-star in the 1990s with a big hit, “Let’s Go To The Mall.” A cheesy, 80′s-style music video (explains Robin, the 80s didn’t reach Canada until the mid-90′s), the song and Robin’s old life never fail to amuse. Her big, emotional follow-up single, “Sandcastles in the Sand,” featured even funnier visuals (Alan Thicke in an armchair on the beach?), and was equally as funny. Both songs were perfect examples of how HIMYM separated itself from the average sitcom, en route to becoming a hit.

DriveSHAFT – “You All Everybody” (Lost)
Though most only know the chorus, “You All Everybody” is a kind of Easter egg for Lost fans. The song that made Charlie a rock star, “You All Everybody” was the fictional hit of his band, DriveSHAFT, that would not only play a big role in his life, but also pop up every once and while in the flashbacks of other Losties. The success of DriveSHAFT led Charlie and his brother towards drugs and ultimately, a rock and roll burnout that led Charlie to Australia to get his brother to do a reunion record, which of course led him to Oceanic 815.

Chemical Toilet – “Nightman” / Electric Dream Machine – “Dayman” (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)
If there’s a defining episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, it’s the episode “Sweet Dee is Dating a Retarded Person,” in which the guys start a band to try and get girls. First comes Chemical Toilet, where Frank and Mac join in with Charlie on his song, “Nightman,” where, more or less, a man comes in and rapes him. When they kick him out of the band, Charlie starts a new band with Dennis, the glammed out Electric Dream Machine, which introduces us to “Dayman,” the fighter of the Nightman. The song literally helped make the show a hit and ultimately stands as the measuring stick as to whether or not you will actually get Sunny.

The Be Sharps – “Baby on Board” (The Simpsons)
The Simpsons have had so many songs featured on their show that they actually have multiple albums compiling them, but following the guidelines of this list, the best one has to be the big hit from “Homer’s Barber Shop Quartet,” The Be Sharpes. Mostly a send up of The Beatles (George Harrison even pops up in the episode), the Be Sharpes hit it big with their single “Baby On Board,” winning a Grammy before the toils of fame send them back to their former lives. It’s a classic Simpsons episode that undoubtedly had some sort of influence on the other fictional songs on this list.

Mouse Rat – “The Pit” (Parks and Recreation)
When Parks and Rec got to its Season 1 finale, “Rock Show,” it was much maligned for being to similar to it’s sister show, The Office. “Rock Show” finally broke it out of its mold however, as the folks in Pawnee go to see Andy’s band, Mouse Rat (though there were other names) play their first show after Andy got his cast off. Andy takes the opportunity to introduce a new song, “The Pit,” a Dave Matthews/Matchbox 20 tinged song which features lyrics like “The pit/I fell in the pit/you fell in the pit/we all fell in the pit.” It’s nicely juxtaposed with Andy’s break up with his girlfriend Ann, and will, unfortunately, get stuck in your head pretty easily.

The Hunted – “That One Night” (The Office, US)
Following the horrible Writers Strike, The Office returned with the best episode of their season, “Dinner Party.” It’s about as cringe-inducing as anything you’ll see on TV, and includes the song “That One Night,” a song written by Jan’s former assistant, Hunter and performed by his band, The Hunted. As Michael, Pam, Jim, Andy, and Angela watch on, Jan plays the song, a thinly veiled recollection of Jan taking Hunter’s virginity. She tries in vain to get Jim to dance with her, and as the episode goes on, it becomes a point of contention between Jan and Michael. Jim steals the CD when the party breaks up, and it soundtracks a sweet montage at the end that features the various couples together after a disastrous evening.

David Brent – “Free Love on the Free Love Freeway” / “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” (The Office, UK)
The songwriting horror on the original UK Office didn’t come from a minor character, but instead from the boss himself, David Brent. The first song he debuted, “Free Love on the Free Love Freeway” is a ballad that is about exactly what it sounds like, and was debuted in an uncomfortable meeting. Really it couldn’t have come at a worse time or been a worse song. The second song, a cover of “If you Don’t Know Me By Now,” was recorded and self released by Brent after he is laid off at Wernham-Hogg in the show’s finale/Christmas special. The single does predictably bad, but the video he makes to accompany it is downright hysterical.

The Beets – “Killer Tofu” / “Where’s My Sock?” / “I Need More Allowance” (Doug)
Anyone around the age 0f 20-25 will probably know The Beets, the uber-famous band from the animated show Doug. One part Beatles, one part grunge, The Beets didn’t have a ton of lyrics, but the one’s they had were awesome. Consider, “I need more allowance/Yodelahehooo!/Why? Because I do!” Doug and best friend Skeeter got into a bit of trouble going to see the Beets in a different city, but it was all worth it when they got to watch the show from back stage. The Beets remain probably the best band from a kids show, ever.

Flight of the Conchords – “Who Likes to Rock the Party?” / “Coco’s Song” (Flight of the Conchords)
Separating the Flight of the Conchords of reality from the Flight of the Conchords from the show is a little tricky, but the few songs we heard from the fictional group made it no surprise their fortunes weren’t as good as the real group. The first song is a call and response featuring the lyrics “Who likes to rock the party?/I like to rock the party,” but their seriousness makes it hilarious. Brett’s song for Coco is equally hilarious, with him listing on and on all the things he’d do for her. It ended up getting turned into “If That’s What You’re Into,” but it’s original version is just as funny.

Vaughn’s Band – “Getting Rid of Britta” (Community)
Vaughn on Community was instantly one of the more ridiculous characters on the show, and when combined with Chevy Chase’s Pierce, he got even more so. The two teamed up for their anti-Britta song, which, likely due to network censorship, refers to her frequently as a “G-D-B.” When Vaughn kicks Pierce out of the band, he changes to words to be about him instead. This leaves Pierce to watch himself slip from cool guy in a band back to old guy at community college, the epitome of the show’s theme.

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Weekly Best Of: Underrated Holiday Media

As we here at Tangled Up in Wires start to head off for some holiday cheer, we thought we’d share with you this brief Weekly Best Of. If you’re sick of Rudolph of feeling Santa fatigue kick in, we suggest a few alternatives. Got any more to contribute? Let us know in the comment section.

The Long Winters – “Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas”
A rarity from a charity compilation, John Rodderick’s lamentation over working at a movie theater on the day that most people don’t have to work is a great song, Christmas aside. Rodderick rocks through the chorus on one of the few bitter songs about the holidays that’s really fun to listen to.

The Office Christmas Special (US and UK)
Turn on any Christmas special from the American Office or the special that wrapped up the original and you’ll be laughing hysterically throughout. Nothing better puts on display the shared hell that is the office Christmas party, and when David Brent and Michael Scott are involved, you know it’s not going to be good.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
While not technically about Christmas, TUIW favorite Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is set at Christmas and makes for excellent viewing for anyone who is sick of the usual holiday fare, thanks to the hilarious performances by Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer, and the hyper-literate, quick-witted script.

Die Hard
I defy you to identify one flaw with Die Hard. It is impossible. Not only is John McClaine the only Bruce Willis character who doesn’t deserve a hearty punch to the face, but the film features Alan Rickman giving one of the all-time best villain performances. Plus plenty of explosions and what goes better with egg nog than that?

Casiotone for the Painfully Alone – “Cold White Christmas”
“Cold White Christmas” treads the same thematic ground that The Long Winters did, it sucks to work on Christmas, but Owen Ashworth spins it off into another one of his fine character sketches. The song captures the bleak unfulfillment that comes with being trapped in a dead-end job in a crappy city after the high of graduating from college and blends it with a raw lo-fi sound that almost lets you feel the slush seeping through your shoes.

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Weekly Best Of: Ten Things That Would Have Blown Our Minds in 1999

Tangled Up in Wires has been thinking a lot about the last ten years, but we haven’t stopped with just our compulsive entertaining listmaking. So, for our Weekly Best Of, we present a list of ten things that came about int he 2000s that would have totally blown our minds if we knew about them in 1999.

1.The iPod
In 1999, every time I went on a trip, I had to carefully pick what CDs would fit in my bag to take with me. There would be no other music for that trip, but whatever I could bring for my Discman. When the iPod came out, all of that changed. Sure, it wasn’t the first MP3 player, but it was the most user-friendly and cheapest and the first one to catch on. The idea that you could take your entire music collection with you everywhere would have been mind blowing enough in 1999, but the iPod Touch and iPhone really would have thrown us over the edge.

2. Netflix
Back in 1999, if there was a movie you were dying to see, you’d have to go out to your local movie store and then hope they not only had it but had available copies. Then came Netflix, which lets you rent and watch obscure German independent films without ever having to leave your house or paying late fees. And now, you don’t even have to put in that much effort, thanks to instant streaming through your computer or Xbox 360. If only they could invent NetPopcorn and NetDietCoke, we’d never have to leave the couch again!

3. Xbox 360/PS3 Online Gaming
If you wanted to play your friend in a game of Madden in 1999, you’d start up your PlayStation (you’d have to wait another year for a PS2), have your friend over, and play with cruddy graphics until your friend had to go home for dinner. Ten years later, all you need is an internet connection. By adding online gaming, consoles took away the one legitimate advantage PC gaming had over them and blended them with more accessible games.

4. Social Networking Sites
By 1999 the internet was far more than just a fad for geeks and had become a hugely dominant force. But still, if you wanted to connect with people, you had to either know where to find them or search for them in chat rooms and vague Yahoo! searches. The advent of Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter has not only made it easier to connect people with each other, but with the world around them. As a result, people are more aware not just of what’s going on with each other, but what’s going on all over the world.

5. High Definition
If you want to know just how fantastic high definition television and movies are just watch something in HD and then switch to standard. The difference is literally mind blowing. What went from being a gimmicky thing that seemed only plausible for those rich enough to afford it, high def has become broadcast standard, making everything just a little more clear. It also completely changed the sports viewing experience in ways you never would have expected.

6. Smart Phones
Cellphones evolved over the years between 1999 and 2009 going from simple portable telephones to camera phones, and finally, to smart phones. In 1999, an small cube in your pocket that simultaneously functions as a phone, camera, and computer with the internet would have seemed absolutely implausible, like something George Jetson should have. Not only has the smart phone connected people more effectively, but it also is really an impressive feat of technological advancement.

7. Wi-Fi
It used to take 45 minutes to download a song, now it can take less time to download an entire movie. But what’s really mindblowing is that you can get that kind of high speed internet anywhere. Laptops used to bulky and frustratingly weaker than a desktop. The advent of wi-fi changed all of that. Like the smart phone giving you the internet in the palm of your hand, wi-fi gave it to you everywhere, airports, coffee shops, even parks. Communication sped up even more thanks to the invention, and hasn’t looked back.

8. Hybrid Cars
Back when saving the environment was for granola loving hippies, electric cars were the laughable way of the future. Cars would be electric when they flew. But now, hybrids are not only far more popular than their predecessors, but a lot more functional. Hybrids aren’t just small cars that are outrageously expensive anymore, but affordable and in every form you could want. Who knew saving the environment would be so popular and functional?

9. YouTube
Want to watch a montage of cats doing cute things in 1999? Too bad! You have no way to do it! But alas, YouTube has meant a lot more than that, and aside from changing the way we view entertainment media, it’s had a profound effective on the news media as well. It’s also acted as a personal visual history museum, allowing people to view historical events of both the past and present without ever turning on their TV.

10. A Black President
In 1999, the highest ranking black official was then-Former Secretary of Defense Colin Powell. My how times have changed. Regardless of your feelings on Barack Obama’s politics, his election as the first black president truly was a monumental event that definitely will have positive effects for years to come.

Have a good weekend everyone. See you on Monday!

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Weekly Best Of: Teen Phenomena

This weekend sees the release of New Moon, the latest film installment of Stephanie Meyer’s abstinence vampires saga. However, Twilight is just the latest in a long, glorious line of crazy pop culture phenomena aimed at teenagers. Here are some of Tangled Up In Wires’ favorite bits of teenage ephemera, presented in no particular order:

1. The Beatles – Its hard to remember now that The Beatles have become THE BEATLES, but there was a time when they were nothing more than a silly, passing fad, playing earnest pop songs for shrieking girls. My Dad went to go see them in 1966 and swears that you couldn’t hear the music over the yelling. The Beatles sparked a decade of bands with similar schticks pitched at similar audiences, ranging from prefab teen wonders like The Monkees to bands with similar artistic trajectories like The Beach Boys and The Rolling Stones. Over time, The Beatles sound would evolve and the band would transcend mere phenomenon to become something even bigger, but, as captured in the film A Hard Day’s Night, there was a time when The Beatles were nothing more than the Edward Cullen of their day.

2. Animorphs/Goosebumps – Two sides of the same glorious 1990s coin, Animorphs and Goosebumps developed many a young person’s sense of science-fiction and horror. Neither has held up great (except in the sepia tone of nostalgia), but Animorphs had an engaging, ongoing narrative and mythology while Goosebumps was, at times, legitimately terrifying. Neither inspired the same levels of hysteria as Twilight, but its nice to remember a time when children’s literature could still be scary.

3. TGIF – Television has long been an outlet for teen sensations, but, given the ages of Tangled Up in Wires’ contributors, we’re partial to ABC’s TGIF block of sitcoms. Featuring light, frothy comedy that younger audiences could enjoy with their parents, TGIF launched such token bits of 1990s culture as Boy Meets World, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Full House, and Family Matters. In retrospect, they all seem overly simplistic and gentle, but just mention Urkel or Cory Matthews in a conversation with someone in their 20s and then dig in for a half hour of hardcore reminiscing.

4. The WB/Prime Time Soaps – On the other end of the television spectrum, soapy dramas like Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place became phenomena by aiming at a more glamorious, yet darker picture of the teenage experience. Those shows were so popular that they inspired an entire network: The WB. The WB doubled down on the teen soap trend of the 1990s, creating minor superstars like James Van Der Beek and Keri Russell and carving out a niche for itself. They also took a chance on a quirky high school drama that filtered mopey teen angst through the lens of supernatural horror; Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s take on high school drama provided an outlet for high school outcasts and became its own off-beat phenomenon.

5. Comic Books – Before Art Spiegelman and Alan Moore, comic books were the realm of the teenager. Hours and hours of school bus trips were filled with debates over whether Superman would beat Batman in a fight (for the record, Bruce Wayne is a billionaire, do you think he would have a hard time finding some kryptonite?), while Marvel found a market by tapping into the fears and malaise of the average high schooler. Even as they’ve advanced artistically, its been hard for comics to shake their image as a phase for teenage boys to grow out of.

6. AIM – Now that Time Magazine has done an article about Twitter and your Mom is on Facebook (not a lame insult, but a fact), its hard to remember back when only young people used the Internet for social networking. AIM was in many ways a predecessor to the flood of social networking sites, giving users the ability to interact with friends without leaving the comfort of their desktop. The program has now been overtaken by Facebook and Gchat, but buddy icons and that high pitched chime were a crucial part of many a post-millenial adolescence.

7. Elvis – One important element of most teen phenomena is that they shock and horrify parents. Looking back now, Elvis seems so innocent, a twangy charmer who just wants a nice girl and a clean pair of blue suede shoes. But the hysteria and frenzy he inspired among 1950s youth terrified parents, who had never seen anything quite like him or his swiveling hips. His mix of innocence and sexual power is not unlike a certain group of teen idols who wear purity rings while spraying white foam all over concertgoers (the actual link on Idolator isn’t working b/c of the change of hands there, but the Elbo.ws thing gives you the jist).

8. Titanic – You can spend hundreds of millions of dollars and work for years on a movie, but at a certain point it’s up to fate to decide how much you can connect with an audience. Even the most optimistic predictions for James Cameron’s epic telling of the doomed cruise ship (and there weren’t many) couldn’t have predicted the way Leonardo DiCaprio would capture the imaginations of 13-17 year olds. Titanic went on to make over 1 billion dollars worldwide, inflate Jim Cameron’s ego to the size of a continent, and make an unwilling superstar out of Dicaprio, who leverged his success into a series of increasingly challenging roles, but still hasn’t shed his “teen heartthrob” status.

9. James Dean – But in many ways, DiCaprio was just following the first part of 50-year-old script. Few icons have the lasting, cross-generational appeal of Dean, who only starred in three films, but made them count. His most lasting contribution, the leather clad, disaffected Jim Stark in Rebel Without a Cause, is as resonant today as in 1955. Part of Dean’s appeal is the way his teenagers are invested with an anxiety and tragedy, a quality that would unfortunately become prophetic when Dean died in a car accident with nothing but a bright future ahead of him.

10. Eminem – Now removed from the early millennium firestorm that was Eminem, its very easy to see him as, in many ways, a 2000s Elvis. Decried by parents, banned from “legitimate” outlets, and working in a musical style that older people looked down on with disdain, Marshall Mathers brought hip hop to the suburbs by finding a seething anger that reached beyond mere disaffection. His drop in quality has been pretty great, but The Slim Shady LP and The Marshall Mathers LP still hold up as more than just public spectacle.

11. Star Wars – For his third feature, George Lucas channeled all the stories that entertained him in his youth and merged them into a movie that felt both comfortably familiar and unlike anything you had ever seen. Young people lined up around the block on opening day and then kept coming back to see it again and again. Now a genuine industry that manufactures books, games, and toys, its hard to remember that, even in 1977, Star Wars was never just a movie.

12. Sweet Valley High – According to Wikipedia, there have been over 152 books in the Sweet Valley High series. That’s just a mind-blowing number and its a testament to the workmanlike simplicity of those stories that they can have such an extensive reach. While its picture of sweet, uncomplicated teenage life has gone out of vogue over the years, Sweet Valley High remains a touchstone of young adult fiction.

13. Arcades – Arcades were once so popular among youth, parents’ demanded they station a police officer out front to make sure kids weren’t skipping school. Serving as a transition between the simplistic, Pong-style games of the late 1970s and the console video games of today, arcades served as a gathering place for young people and an affordable way for video game designers to experiment with their medium. Arcades are now pretty much dead or dying, but without them, video games might not be nearly as popular as they are today.

14. Hanson – One word, six letters. There had been plenty of teen sensations before “Mmmbop,” but three brothers from Oklahoma set off what may end up being the last great boom time for the record industry. In their wake was a field of boy bands and pop sensations who would go on to outlast Hanson, but who may not have risen at the same rate were the path not already cleared.

15. MTV – Of course, if you’re talking about music sensations after 1980, the conversation pretty much starts and ends with MTV. Originally seen as a larky, wild-card, MTV grew into a behemoth, feeding on pop stars, scared parents, and hysterical cultural commentators, providing one ratings-ready controversy after the next. For two decades, MTV was the face of awkward puberty-stricken teenagers and, even if its buzz has cooled significantly in the 2000s, the network remains a fascinating turning point in the commodification of youth.

16. Clueless/She’s All That/10 Things I Hate About You/Romeo + Juliet – From 1995 to 2000, filmmakers turned to literary classics and realized that their big emotions, catty character interactions, universal themes, and commentary on social boundaries translated to a high school setting really well. From Baz Luhrmann’s direct reimagining of Romeo and Juliet, to more subtle and altered takes on classic stories like Emma, Pygmalion, and Taming of the Shrew, Hollywood briefly struck a chord with teens by raiding their English I syllabi.

17. John Hughes – Any discussion of pop culture aimed at teenagers would be incomplete without mentioning John Hughes. Originally a comedy writer for National Lampoon, Hughes shifted to a completely new gear as the 1980s moved on and he explored the complex, clashing emotions that come with high school. Combining brilliant writing, an eye for talented young actors, and soundtracks so distinctive that albums released today are described as “John Hughes music,” Hughes found that the universal high school experience is one of alienation, regardless of whether you were weirdo, a nerd, a jock, or the prom queen. The impassioned response to his untimely passing earlier this year shows how Hughes didn’t just comment on high school, he changed how we experienced it.

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Weekly Best Of: Roland Emmerich Cliches

We were curious as to what film maker Roland Emmerich’s latest disaster flick, 2012, would have in store for us. Rather than guess wildly at the plot, we took a look at Emmerich’s previous disaster movies, Independence Day, Godzilla, and The Day After Tomorrow to name the 13 best Roland Emmerich cliches and to find out what we’ll see in 2012.

  1. A prelude where something strange signals what’s going to happen
    • Independence Day: The tranquil remnants of the moon landing shake as the alien spaceships approach.
    • Godzilla: A Japanese fishing boat is suddenly and inexplicably attacked.
    • The Day After Tomorrow: Large hail pelts a Japanese market.
  2. A genius, played by a star, wrapped up in his work who knows just what to do
    • ID: Jeff Goldblum as an MIT grad who picks up alien transmissions and warns the President.
    • G: Matthew Broderick as a scientist who deduces that whatever attacked the fishing boat is a mutated creature.
    • DAT: Dennis Quaid as a scientist who warns the VP about impending climate change.
  3. That genius’ estranged wife/girlfriend and/or the kids he’s disconnected from that gets involved
    • ID: Jeff Goldblum’s ex-wife, who just happens to work for the president.
    • G: Matthew Broderick’s ex-girlfriend who helps him discover Godzilla’s eggs.
    • DAT: Jake Gyllenhall as Dennis Quaid’s very smart son who just happens to be in New York.
  4. A crackpot no one listens to
    • ID: Randy Quaid as a drunk pilot who claims to have been abducted.
    • DAT: The homeless man who gets no respect and his dog.
  5. A wise-cracking character who somehow gets involved
    • ID: Will Smith as a cocky fighter pilot (“Welcome to Earth!”).
    • G: Hank Azaria as cameraman Victor “Animal” Palotti.
    • DAT: The wise cracking Brit in the arctic station who’s final toast is “to Manchester United!”
  6. The doubter proven horribly wrong
    • ID: Vivica A. Fox’s stripper friend who goes to greet the aliens and instead gets blasted by their laser.
    • G: Pretty much the entire US Military.
    • DAT: The VP who dismisses the whole notion of climate change.
  7. The destruction of a landmark and it’s depiction on the film’s poster
    • ID: The White House.
    • G: The Chrysler Building.
    • DAT: Statue of Liberty.
  8. A thrilling escape
    • ID: The president, just before the White House blows up.
    • G: Matthew Broderick and co. just before Madison Square Garden blows up.
    • DAT: Jake Gyllenhall just as the tidal wave comes in.
  9. An inspirational speech
    • ID: Bill Pullman’s “We will not go quietly into the night!”
    • DAT: The former VP’s speech at the end, talking about rebuilding the Third World.
  10. A love story that gets resolved by the end
    • ID: Will Smith and Vivica A. Fox
    • G: Matthew Broderick and his formerly ex-girlfriend
    • DAT: Jake Gyllenhall and the chick from Phantom of the Opera
  11. Historical/scientific inaccuracy
    • ID: Aliens that could build a anti-nuke force field couldn’t decipher Morse code.
    • G: Radiation creates a giant monster out of a tiny lizard.
    • DAT: So, so many things.
  12. At least one moment that makes absolutely no sense at all
    • ID: The alien talking through the guy at Area 51. He’d been their for 40 years, why didn’t he do that before?
    • G: Godzilla gets lured by the military with a fish trap. He’s apparently a dolphin at Sea World and a mutant lizard.
    • DAT: Wolves somehow terrorize a tanker in NYC. Where did they…why would they…(sigh).
  13. A restoration of order
    • ID: The aliens are defeated
    • G: Godzilla is defeated
    • DAT: Climate change is defeated

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