Better Off Ted – “Lust in Translation”

Before we get into the review proper, I just want to double check with you guys about something. There was only one episode right? I only saw one and I haven’t been able to find any evidence of a second Better Off Ted so I’m assuming that there was only the one, but someone let me know if I’m mistaken. Its just that, since there’s only one Tuesday left until Lost comes back, I’m not sure how ABC is going to burn off all the Ted‘s (maybe they’re gonna save a couple to entice people to buy the DVDs?).

No matter how the episodes get out, I hereby promise you that I’ll recap them all (even if we have to wait for the DVD release), because between the last few episodes and this one, Ted has rediscovered its stride and it sure has been fun to watch. This week was the best of the year; featuring tight construction, an endless number of quotable lines, and a rapidfire pace that could rival 30 Rock in its prime.

“Lust in Translation” concerns the arrival of some representatives from a German company who are interested in teaming up with Veridian. Its a huge deal so Veronica and Ted want to show off Veridian’s brand new multi-language translator, a box that will translate what the speaker is saying into any language, and also limit the number of inappropriate things they say to the Germans (Veronica has a tougher time with this. Her practice pitch: “We believe the multi-language translator will create a furor in Germany. A furor that will sweep across Europe crushing…no”). Ted hits it off with Greta, the hot German boss, but her limited English and his limited German are a barrier (when they meet, she tells him “you and I do it, I hope…the coming together). The Germans have to stick around for a few days when it turns out that the translator, hilariously, says things in a deep, angry, robotic voice that makes even benign greetings like “Hello, I am your friend! Do not be afraid!” terrifying (Ted thought they were working on it, to which Lem replies “We were…and we made it more awesome!).

Ted ends up sleeping with Greta, despite Veronica’s cautioning that sex screws everything up (“Why do you think The Three Stooges went through so many Curlys?”), and things start off great (like the collapsing of the Berlin Wall, there was a lot of cheering in German, followed by heart-felt congratulations) but take a dark turn when Phil and Lem fix the multi-language translator…by giving it Phil’s voice (they already had his voice in the computer from when they were making the talking frying pan, which kept screaming when you put it on the burner. And, as Phil pointed out, “it was very critical – ‘do you really need that much butter’ – screw you frying pan!). Greta insists on using the translators (she likes that the voice is warm and friendly and almost gender-neutral), even during sex, but Ted isn’t quite as in to it. His insistence that they not use it ends up derailing their relationship and the deal, as Greta tells him in a meeting that he “was much promising, but not true” (Veronica figures it out: “Damnit Ted, you were much promising but not true, weren’t you?).

Meanwhile, in the no-less-inspired B-plot, Phil and Lem (who Veronica hilariously calls glasses and mustache, even though Ted points out they’re the same person) – inspired by Ted’s request that they hide anything that may seem evil (including both the long-range people-skinning device and the man-eating ficus) – realize that everything they make is designed to hurt people and they are essentially evil scientists (which Phil immediately follows with an “Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha” evil laugh). So they set about trying to find something they can make that isn’t evil (not helping their case: the fact that they also have Nixon’s voice in the computer).

This tied into the slight, but still funny C-plot, which found Veronica locked in a battle of wits with Linda, after Linda showed Veronica a game she invented called LindaBagel, where they have to bounce bagels into an open airvent. Linda dominates at it, which makes Veronica – who has to be the best at everything – very upset. Ted encourages Linda to just let Veronica win but Linda refuses, despite the fact that her place in the Time Waster’s Hall of Fame is secure, thanks to her degree in Art History (as a Creative Writing major, I sympathize). Veronica, meanwhile, tries to get Phil and Lem to make her perfect throwing bagels (which don’t wind up tasting good since whenever you go past 97% high impact carbon, you can taste it), but they decide the line must be drawn here, and refuse to let Veronica use their perfect bagels for evil.

In the end, Ted reconciles with Greta and the two hook-up in his office, but the sound of what appears to be Phil having sex with Ted distracts Linda and allows Veronica to win on her own. Then, as Veronica went to retrieve the victory bagel for her hypothetical trophy case, it crashes through the floor, landing right in front of Phil and Lem.

Needless to say, I loved this episode and thought it was easily the best of the season. As Mike pointed out to me, the better the Phil and Lem storyline, the better the episode and here, they had some great stuff to work with, but I thought Ted’s story was equally strong. All the elements were clicking and the show ended up producing at least five moments of all-time comic brilliance that deserve to go into the time capsule:

1. Phil and Lem realizing they’re evil, followed by Phil’s evil laugh
2. The translator’s deep, angry voice
3. The entire concept of the translator having Phil’s voice and Greta and Ted’s conversations with it
4. The talking frying pan
5.  The perfect, Three Stooges button at the end of the episode

But just about everything worked and this was a truly hilarious episode. Man, I’m really going to miss this show when its gone.

Jonah’s Score: 95

Tangled Up in Wires Grade: A