Hey everyone, sorry about the short Better Off Ted sabbatical. While I was away, we got three episodes, including both my least favorite of the season (the post-Rose Bowl “The Great Repression”) to my most favorite of the season (“Beating a Dead Workforce,” which saw Ted firing on all cylinders). The bad news is that, if my calculations are correct and ABC continues burning off two Ted‘s a night, there’s only two weeks and four episodes left before this show is (most likely) cancelled (the only silver lining is that the show replacing Ted looks rather promising).
My office, despite being a nonprofit, is a rather buttoned-down, professional place, which makes my total inability to communicate without swearing that much more embarassing, especially when it flares up during my presentations at the staff meeting. For the workers of Veridian, this doesn’t seem to be a problem…until they get a memo that instructs them to “now use offensive or insulting language” instead of “not.” Despite a rich history of sending out incorrect memos (like the one about casual Fribsday, which the company maintains will be observed in 2022), Veridian refuses to acknowledge the mistake and, because they sent a memo that said employees have to follow all memos, PG-rated, network-TV approved abusive language ensues.
I do feel like the central premise was a little damaged by the fact that the characters couldn’t really go too crazy, and a lot of the “swearing” was too cutesy, but it inspires the gang to start thinking about their communication. Phil and Lem are taken by surprise at first, mostly because they don’t read the memos (which have have come in handy when testing the genital x-ray). It also raises an old issue of Phil’s: his inability to engage in verbal abuse (except for his dazingly snappy comeback: “you’re right, I need to work on that). Lem helps him out until Phil turns to mathematics to solve the problem, coming up with the perfect insult formula. Things go great until Phil gets a little trigger-happy and uses it on a non-Veridian water guy (“I’m just glad the bottle finally broke”).
Meanwhile, Ted tries to stop the swearing, but Linda suggests that his real problem is that he doesn’t like his underlings to actually say what they feel. So, Ted decides to listen to everybody, which results in a the company’s Meal Ready to Eat (with the main course of Beige Block 3 or what we call stroganoff) coming a head-sized carboard box that contains wine and a mirror so you can look at yourself when you eat.
Finally, thinking about memos fills Veronica with an emotion she identifies as itchiness (others include sugar and drunk), but is probably guilt over the fact that she was competing for her job with Chris Parnell, whose character also has the last name of Palmer and she’s never been sure whether she actually earned the promotion or if a Veridian typo gave it to her. To make it up, she brings him a cake and some herring to smear on it (Veronica doesn’t hate the Dutch, she just holds them to a higher standard) and then agrees to go out with him, where she hears about how terrible his life has been since losing out on the promotion, which guilts Veronica into dating him (she eventually runs over him, which according to her “relationship math, means tonight’s the night!”). Linda’s suggestion that she repeat the word “babies” only makes things worse and its not until Ted finds proof that Veronica was intended to get the promotion (because she’s man-smart!). Eventually, because of her name, Veridian’s memo writer Janet S. Crotum also finds the whole swearing thing to be not that much fun (Ted can’t believe it took the memo to get that train out of the station) and things go back to normal.
All in all it was a solid episode, but I have to dock it for the fake swearing, which didn’t quite work for me. If you haven’t seen yet, check out this decidedly NSFW video of the cast running wild:
That, my friends, is an A episode.
But I’m going to actually go against the general consensus and say that I enjoyed the second episode more than the first, simply because it made me laugh a whole lot more. “The Long and Winding High Road” finds our heroes struggling with doing the right thing. For Ted, that means burying the hatchet in his rivalry with Pete, an opposing project manager who is always competing with Ted’s products (and who even has his own Veronica). Both teams are working on a toy for kids that will use magnets to let them fly (“now children can have hours of repulsive fun!”), leading to the meeting where they try to tear each other’s device down (Pete says that Ted’s has a set of boobs, while Ted says that Pete’s looks like a diaper; Veronica tries to join in, but the best she can muster is “with your diaper, kids won’t have to stop playing to use the bathroom”).
Ted decides its time to put aside their differences (Welcome to More Effective Way to Deal With an Adversary……Ville) and has Phil and Lem work on some improvements to Pete’s design, but Veronica wants to take him down and Linda, in an attempt to prove that she is not a goody two-shoes, joins in (first by encouraging Rose to smoke, before admonishing her that “every time you smoke, Santa Claus kills an elf). The two hatch a plan to sabotage Pete’s testing by planting a strong voice in the focus group who will trash it: Rose (that whole scene was solid gold although my favorite part was when they debated how to do a derisive laugh). Meanwhile, Ted goes to visit Rose in Veridian’s daycare (where she’s learning art, Chinese, and the weaknesses of the Chinese, echoing Veronica’s earlier joke about going to war with China) and runs into Pete. But, when Pete is rude, Ted decides to sabotage Pete’s testing, by bribing the tester to test Ted’s device first (with a copy of the book Ethics in Testing!).
Meanwhile, Phil and Lem broke the thermostat when playing with a pinata (stuffed with science) and are afraid to tell Veridian because of how the company may get even (last time it cancelled Phil’s gym membership). They try to get Ted to do it but he refuses, encouraging them to take the high road. Instead, they try to con a coworker into thinking she broke it. Eventually they feel itchy guilty and confess, but she threatens to rat them out to the company unless they pay her or fight. As Lem refuses, Phil clocks him in the face.
In the end, Ted, Veronica, and Linda watch as Rose sabotages the testing of their product (which could kill a Jonas Brothers) and, while Pete appreciated Ted’ s help, he found about their attempts to sabotage him, so their relationship is back to mutual hatred. Ted wants Linda and Veronica to go teach the day care group about taking the high road, but instead Linda tells them all the story of how she slept with her cousin’s husband (you know how it is when you’re ovulating).
This episode may not have been as cohesive and satirical as Ted at its best, but “The Long and Winding High Road” made me laugh so hard I didn’t even notice. All in all, another great night for my favorite, but sadly doomed, sitcom.
Jonah’s Score: 76/85
Tangled Up In Wire Grade: B+/A
P.S. There’s a fansite trying to save Better Off Ted and, while I’m not optimistic, you can still check it out at www.savebetteroffted.com
Michael
ulyssesworkman
awarshauer
That uncensored video is amazing.